Archive for the ‘My Musings’ Category

An adventure in faith
February 13, 2012

More and more I’m realizing that this walk with Christ is an adventure in faith.

These adventures will often times stretch us, perplex us and make us uncomfortable. More and more I’m realizing that with this adventure, the key is to hang on during the journey and until the end, trusting that Christ, the pilot of our lives, will steer us through the dark and murky paths. Of course, it’s so much easier to say. I’d be a hypocrite to say that at times I have not felt like getting off course. During the journey there are times I realize that I don’t want to be there any more. I’m uncomfortable, feel like I’m experiencing parts of the adventure I did not sign up for and feel like I can’t make it.  But this is the part of the adventure that requires me to stay on course. If Christ heads my life He is more than able to take me over the next bump or hurdle.

I may not know where this adventure may take me, but I do know Who helms the journey and because of this knowledge, I’m going on hand on for the ride.

I am His
February 4, 2012

Excited and expectant and going to just breathe
February 1, 2012

Just Breathe

It’s good to be back and able to write again.

It’s been hard but things are improving and I feel something BIG is about to happen. I can’t put my finger on it but it’s that feeling when you know things are changing in the spirit realm and a manifestation in your life is imminent.

Since my last post I’ve seen some miracles and had some unexpected blessings. Someone who had been owing me money since 2010 finally paid up and I was able to do a lot with that $2000. And getting that person to pay was a miracle so I know it had to be the hand of God. Business looks poised to rebound as well. Overall, I’m feeling at peace. I’m still behind on my mortgage and have not been able to make the final 2 payments on my car but my power home is on. Yeah, things may seem to look bad in that sense but I’m excited and expectant. I’m excited and expectant because I’m finally starting to let go and let God take over.

Let me explain. I’ve been fighting tooth and nail to fix all the broken areas in my life. My health, my marriage, my finances and my business. Trying to make the changes on my own and hoping God would see all I was doing, how hard I was trying and then jump in and take over the reins and chart things from there. And I was becoming frustrated because it seemed like He was not doing anything. And this just got me more down and depressed and stressed because I’m here, doing my best to get things in my life the way I perceived they should be and God wasn’t working with me. And this just made me angry at Him sometimes. It honestly did. Why wasn’t He not helping me and coming through for me? Couldn’t He see the mess my life had become? Did it not bother Him to see my cry myself to sleep at nights or struggle to deal with the panic attacks that were becoming a constant part of my existence?

Sitting on my couch a week ago I felt Him saying to me that I needed to rest in Him. My Father in heaven just wanted me to rest in Him. He wanted me to lay all my concerns, worries and troubles at His feet, lay them on His heart and just leave them there. He needed me to stop trying to fix everything and change everything and just let Him take control, totally surrendering it all to Him. The moment I realized this I committed myself to just let go.  I could feel His peace washing over me and I’m feeling so much more liberated, content and free.

Now here comes the challenge – letting Him keep the control that I’ve surrendered to Him when I chose to rest in Him. So many times we say we surrender our life and even situations to Him, yet we go back and try to take back that thing we’ve surrendered. But I need to keep this peace, this contentment, this way I feel that I have not felt for a while. This tangible hope. This feeling that although I cannot see it, behind the scenes He is taking care of my life and fixing things for me. So I know I have to leave it all with Him. I couldn’t fix things on my own or change anything, no matter how hard I tried. Now I feel excited and expectant and that’s something truly worth keeping. I’m going to let go and just breathe.

On a hiatus
January 25, 2012

Seems ironic that I only started blogging here 6 days ago and now I’m on a hiatus until when I can’t say. The electric company has turned off my power home and are about to turn off my power at the office today so I don’t know when I will be back online because I will need to pay them in full if I’m to get back power. I don’t have the $800 to settle it so I’m in the darkness until then. It’s always a terrible time to have your power turned off but even more so now with all the proposals  I have outside from potential clients. Truly sucks. Since power will go off today at the office, I won’t be able to access my internet so it’s hard to know if I’m getting positive feedback from prospects regarding my proposal. The more I pray the more things seem to get worst and for a time I was even tempted to stop praying but I just couldn’t. If someone actually reads this, do prayer for me. I need all the prayer I can get now. I’m shaken but not stirred. All I have is His word to comfort me. No friends and family. A lonely time indeed and a personal all time low. Friends, clients and family owe me more money that I owe my debtors, yet everyone has something more important to do with their money than pay me what I’m owed. They won’t even reply to my messages. It feels like I’ve been stabbed in my chest and tears seem to be my portion of late. But my hope is in Him and I know my Redeemer lives.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 – Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

When the scripture above came to me this morning all I could do was chuckle. I’ve never been one to act all super spiritual so I’ll admit that it is really hard to see this as being God’s will. My business is gone. My utilities are being turned off and the bank wants to take my home. I have a $700 overdraft in the bank and I’m behind of my car loan. Oh and my insurance expired yesterday. I have no friends and family to lean on and no one to talk to. How could this ever possibly be the will of my Heavenly Father? But He is God and sees and know what I don’t so I just have to take Him at His word.

With love and intense humility,

Leslie

Oh – If you stumble across this, do leave a comment or word of encouragement. When I’m back and able to see this it will really life my spirits.

Bliss
January 24, 2012

Bliss

I’m siting on my deck just thinking of You. The sun has just started to go down and the breeze is cool, clean and refreshing and makes me feel good all over. You’re in the setting sun, the cool breeze on my skin, the fresh, clean mountain air that blows. I think of You, bask in Your presence and all my troubles escape. You have the ability to do that. Only You. I don’t have to go far to find You. Your presence is everywhere. How I love thee!

Bliss, that’s the word that best describes my feelings of these moments with You.

Bliss is the smile on the inside, the smile my heart gives, contentment, peace, serenity and unspeakable joy that comes from Your presence. Bliss. Pure, pure, bliss. I cherish these moments. I feel like a child just retreating to this place to be with You. And I’m excited to find You already here. Waiting for me, longing for my company as I long for Your presence.

 You Word is so true, if I seek you I will find You. I don’t need to travel to the East to seek You out or consult some strange mystic in a foreign land. I need no rituals or peculiar traditions to find You, because You meet me here, You’re already here! Here in our special place , the place where I just relax and melt in Your presence and bask in Your love, Your astounding awesomeness and unfailing grace. The special place where I can feel You releasing strength to me, causing my spirit to soar. This special place where I can hear You speak to me in the rustle of the wind between the trees, in the crickets that chirp and the insects that make music in the late evening, singing a melody of your goodness and majesty. You are Here and I bask in Your presence and to me it’s pure bliss.

It’s dark now and I must go inside. I always feel so good and strong when we meet. Let’s do it again, shall we? Tomorrow won’t be too soon!

The currency of favor
January 21, 2012

I’ve been reflecting on how God has been keeping me in these tough times. My pantry has run really low, yet each day I’m not only nourished by His promises, but also the provisions He has caused others to bless me with. The more I think of it all the more I realize that God’s favor is a currency on it’s own.

Photo Credit

Sunday I looked at the cupboards after I came from church and could not for the life of me to put together a meal of any semblance. There simply was nothing there to take me beyond Monday. It’s amazing how He shapes and tempers us when we are receptive to what He is teaching and showing us and building in us in our times of testing. At any other time, I would have been stressed and overwhelmed at my lack at what I considered to be the most basic, but I’m really starting to take Him at His word and trust Him when He says that He is my provider and keeper. And I’ve been growing. All week I’ve eaten and I didn’t go grocery shopping, either. My mom gave me some vegetables someone had given her, a friend brought me two bountiful baskets this week, and farmer I know says He will bring me some provisions and vegetables today. Apart from my mother, I have not told any of those persons that have been a blessing to me about my current financial situation. They were just vessels used by God to help me meet my needs. I didn’t have the money to go into the grocer and buy any of the food I ate this week, but He caused others to be favorable towards me and I ate each day this week and was nourished physically. So you see, favor does have a currency.

Sometimes we tend to see the paper bill as our ticket to getting or earthly needs met, but I’ve been learning that time after time, He will cause others to bless you in the area of your need in the times you don’t have the resources to meet that need on your own.

Matthew 6 vs. 25- 26

25 “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? 27 Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? (New Living Translation)

Dear Lord
January 20, 2012

Dear Lord,

I thank you for how yesterday turned out. Much was achieved and your presence was oh so evident. Playing songs that sing your praise in the background always makes the day so much more productive. You’re the reason for my joy. A joy so rich and thick. One the world could not offer me and certainly cannot take away. I thank you for your wisdom, which always enhances my work day. If I didn’t say it before… ‘Thank you, Lord’.

PS…. and I think You’re awesome, too. And I’m totally amazed that You love me!

Your daughter,

Leslie

Clearing the clutter
January 19, 2012

Photo credit

Over the past couple of months I’ve been on a declutter drive. Not intentionally, but because my financial situation necessitated it. Selling off some of my stuff has not been easy but I believe in all of this God is teaching me to trust in Him and show me what I really need. He’s also teaching me that I have all that I really need. I was the classic collector and if I’m truly honest with myself I could have been a better steward with His money. I’ve never been greedy and I have shared what I had with others and blessed my local ministry but there were some excesses I could have done without.

When my financial situation necessitated that I sell off things to keep my head above the water I was surprised at the amount of things that I actually had for sale. The sad thing about it, is that I’ve never missed any of the items sold. Not once. Having to get to the point of financial ruin to realize that I could have done much better is a rude awakening, to say the least, yet I know that in spite of it all, my Father loves me and isn’t interested in suffering me to make a point. I know I won’t always be in a position of not being able to pay my bills or being stressed about being behind my mortgage or wondering where all my clients have gone. I’m not sure how He’s going to turn things around for me but I know that there is nothing that He can’t do. Don’t believe me? Check His Word.

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. – Jeremiah 29:11

I purpose to be a better steward when my situation turns. I’ve grown a lot and I have learned a lot and I’m grateful that in spite of all I’m going through, He’s still showing His tender love and mercy to me.

Providence and unexpected blessings
January 18, 2012

Today something really neat happened. On my drive to the office this morning I passed a vendor selling corn and mused to myself how nice it would be to have corn for dinner. I went to work, faced the day and gave no thought again about  corn. There’s a farmer and his mother close to my office and I’ve become close to them in the past couple years. They are some lovely, wholesome and good natured folk I can’t help but admire. Once a week I’m sure to receive a basket full of fresh fruits, vegetables and ground provisions from them and they get rather upset at me suggesting to pay them. I gave up on trying to give them money after the third basket a couple years ago, but I’m sure to remember their birthdays and get them Christmas gifts. They are my friends and don’t expect things in return, but I also want to feel like I’m giving, too.

Being a vegan I appreciate getting those baskets because I love to eat fresh. Yesterday he brought me a beautiful bunch of figs that I was ever so grateful for so I wasn’t expecting him today. I already got my once a week basket. Imagine my surprise when locking up the office for the evening I see my friend sauntering up the driveway with a basket of corn!

Isn’t God wonderful? He blows me away in the little things He does like this. You may call it a coincidence but I chose to believe it was one of those moments of Him providing in advance. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that I’d be getting corn the same day I was musing on how much I wanted to have corn for dinner. Providence, indeed.

Let us not be weary in well doing
January 17, 2012

It has not been easy of late. The person who came up with the saying, ‘when it rains, it pours’, sure knew what he or she was saying. Since I became a Christian 5 years ago, I’ve had challenges but not like this. Finances have all but vanished and no income seems to be coming, I’ve lost all my clients, my marriage is shaky and my health is another story all together. Sometimes I just feel like giving up. ‘God, where are you?’. But each time I feel like I can’t make another day or take another step he does something so subtle, yet so powerful. He directs me to His word and there I find strength to keep pressing on and reassurance that He is still with me and rules and reigns in my affairs, contrary to how things seem. As I opened my devotion book today I came across this scripture and immediately I felt the tears well up in my eyes

Let us not be weary in well doing, for in due season we shall reap if we faint not. Galatians 6 vs. 9. 

Isn’t He amazing? I can’t help but love Him. What a timely word. It has lifted my spirits. Thank you, Lord. You’re my glory and the lifter of my head.